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Inday Jokes II

As requested by Sexynomad, I did some research and found some ultra cool and seriously funny Inday Jokes. So yeah, sit back, relax, and hold your tummy tight because you might find yourself rolling allover the floor laughing your ass out!

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AMO : Inday! Ano nangyari at may bukol ang anak ko na si Junior?

INDAY: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not so well engineered architectural of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

AMO : ha ?!?

(ang lupit ni Inday noh? wehehehe) 

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I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should've made it easy. This exuberent emotional glue i have for you,cannot be
simply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true romance

- INDAY, nag eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong,ang bf nia..

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Dear Mom,

Had i not been able to smell the salt, i must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn't enough, he was summoned by the principal of hil shabilly runned academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never though being a governess can be such strenuous employ!

Your daughter,Inday

Dear Inday,

Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong pagkabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

–TATAY

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Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: (nosebleed)

—–

AMO: Inday, dba nanood ka ng The Buzz kanina?

grabbed from: http://trixiedianne.livejournal.com/22979.html 

INDAY JOKES

Woohoo! The Super Collection of Inday Jokes is finally here!!! HAHA!!

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AMO: Inday, ano ginawa mo sa microwave natin at sumabog?

INDAY: Success is often the result of taking misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show you somebody who has never achieved much.

AMO: Impostora! Lumayas ka dito!

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AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair's value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is an accordance with PAS18 on revenue, PAS16 on PPE, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: *fainted*

Si Inday talaga, accountant din pala!

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INDAY: Physical and excessive work  may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.

*Sabi ni Inday sa Amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off* Haha!

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AMO: Inday, bumili ka nga ng isda. Ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka ngayon. Would you please buy me many fishes for this week's meal?

INDAY: Judging by your statement,  I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term "fishes" although rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of said aquatic creatures. But the more pressing questions before I go to the wet market would be: What type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? [pauses] Ahh…The meager budget of this household's quasi-peasant class taste, I shall source the staple "ga-lewng-gowng", am I correct?

AMO: LECHE!

—–

Haha. If you have your own Inday Jokes, please please please send 'em to me! 

FRIENDS FOREVER [The Brotherhood Of The Traveling Shoes]

Friends 4- life is what we are
Through thick and thin you were my friend
Leaning on you, you gave me support
The strength to get up and go again

If my heart was shattered, you'd heal it
If my heart was happy, we both rejoiced in it

You are my best friend
always and forever
It's been good
the best friendship ever
Never end, now and forever

Things To Do When You’re Bored

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Push your eyes for interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things your subconscious is trying to send you a message?
Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces?
Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?

See how long you can hold your breath
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best.
Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of.
If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone.
 The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true,
so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Hurt yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)

What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind.
Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and
add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street.
Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image,
and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time.
Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up.
This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH VERY LITTLE

See what's in your neighbour's rubbish/trash
(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes) You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them.
Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR or some porn mags.

Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Sort of entertaining. Include flamboyant shoulder shrugs for added impact, or go for a Marlon Brando set of grunts.

Send spooky emails
(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
Look up someone's CV on the web, do some research on them via Google
and then send them an email full of personal references claiming to be an ex-work colleague
who fell in love with their shoes. Or something.

Make prank phone calls
(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny,
 but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will.
Try seeing if you can get them to make noises to 'test' the line.
One to get you started off: Call McDonalds with weird complaints about their food.

Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions?
Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke.
To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of.
Best to do with people you know.

Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination.
Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump.
Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude.
Step off and…AHHHHHH!!!!!

Try and sound Welsh
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
The key to sounding Welsh is to make sure that your voice goes up at the end of the sentence,
so that everything sounds like a question.
Throw in a superfluous 'isn't it?' at the end of everything you say and you're halfway there.
Isn't it?

Burn things with a magnifying glass
(Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
Ants are always fun to use for this, but burning the face of someone you don't like,
under some circumstances, can be just as entertaining.

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ANOTHER PERSON

Have a water drinking contest
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
While the competition is fun, you probably won't feel too good afterward.
 To give your event an old western theme, slam the cups upside down on the tables after you have emptied them.

Stare at the back of someone's head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the "I have the feeling I'm being watched" principle.
Conduct an experiment-does this really work?

Have a "Who is less competitive" competition
wonder (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose.
Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.

Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high
(15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk,
 the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone's ear
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can't blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.

Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person's neck
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you're not sorry at all for what they think you did.
Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, a lot of these suggestions are really dumb things to do, so don't take them seriously.

Huwag po, Itay!

Sometimes you think you know the people that are close to you.. but beware. Please excuse the graphic nature of how this story is told but I believe it is necessary to highlight the important lesson within.
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Huwag Po Itay….

Nais kong ibahagi sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay isang gabi. Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang gabing iyon. Malakas ang ulan
noon nguni't maalinsangan ang simoy ng hangin.

! Ako ay nagsusuklay sa aking silid, katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang noon . Narinig kong kumakatok si Itay sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang pagkatok niya ay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming mag-usap at humiling na papasukin siya. Binuksan ko ang pinto at siya'y kagyat na pumasok sa aking silid.

Laking pagkagulat ko nang ipinid niya at susian ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang aking mga kamay, hinaplos-haplos niya ang aking buhok, ang aking mukha, pinaraan niya ang kanyang mga daliri sa aking kilay, sa aking mga pisngi,sa aking mga labi. Napasigaw ako.

"ITAY, huwag, huwag! Ako'y inyong anak! Utang na loob, Itay!" Nguni't parang walang narinig ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginagawa. Ipinikit ko na lamang ang aking mga mata dahil ayaw kong makita ang mukha ng aking ama habang ipinagpapatuloy niya ang kanyang ginagawa sa akin.

Naririnig ko si Inay sumisigaw habang binabayo ang pinto at nagpipilit na ito'y buksan, "Hayop ka! hayop ka! Huwag mong gawin iyan sa anak mo! Huwag mong sirain ang kanyang kinabukasan".

Subalit wala ring nagawa si Inay, hindi rin siya pinakinggan ni Itay. Nanatili na lamang akong walang katinag-tinag at ipinaubaya ko na lamang ang aking sarili sa anumang gustong gawin ng aking Itay.

Pagkalipas ng ilang oras ay tumigil na rin ang aking Itay. Iniharap niya ako sa salamin ay ganoon na lamang ang aking pagkamangha at pagkagulat sa aking nakita. Magaling naman palang mag-make-up si Itay.

Nang gabing iyon ay nagtapat sa akin ang aking ama. Gay pala siya. Labis akong nagalak sa galing at husay ng aking ama. Naisip ko na matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil lalo akong gumanda ngayon. Niyakap ko si Itay at pareho kaming napaluha sa labis na kagalakan. Masaya na kami ngayon at nabubuhay nang matiwasay.

Lovingly yours,

BADONG

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